Choosing joy above all

Before the Throne of God


All is dark, cold, and frightening. I cannot see my outstretched hand. I turned down this part of the sidewalk away from all the laughter, joy, happiness, and security. I can hear the giggles of joy coming from behind me. The darkness seems intriguing.  Something begs me to go back to where it is safe. My heart feels a strong tug to turn around, but I keep walking. I hear something hiss behind me. I turn around and see nothing. With my heart hammering in my chest, I continue walking. I quicken my pace. I lift my right foot and before I can place it back on the ground, it catches on a root reaching up from the ground. I lose my balance and fall right upon the hard ground below. The cold cement greets me with pain spread all over at the brunt of impact. My nose begins to flow with warm blood. I sit up and place my hand over it. I go to turn around.

Before I take another step, I hear the hissing noise once again. With the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, I look around. Something rushes past me fast enough where wind grazes my hair. I hold my nose and slowly stutter with fear covering my words,


“Hello there, darling.” A voice, deep and almost menacing, replied.

My heart thunders like an entire drum line in a marching band. Sweat begins to build on the back of my neck. The hand holding my bleeding nose begins to tremble. Longing to go back to where I came from, I take a step forward.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the voice inquires in a tone that sends chills down my spine.

“I ha-have to get back-ck home.” I once again stammer. I should not have come down here. I should have listened to the tug in my heart.

“They don’t want you there.” As he speaks, I still hear the sound of laughter. It sounds miles away. “They don’t even know you’re gone.”

My heart hurts at such a thought. Do they really not know I’m not there? They are all I have over there, why would they not notice my existence?

“Remember darling,” he continues in a crafty lie, “Everyone who ever said they would be there, left. What makes them any different?”

My mood changes in almost an instant. Fear is disregarded. I can feel my defenses going up. I have had a lot of betrayal in my life. I have learned how to avoid it by avoiding people. I dare not let my heart connect, for the risk of betrayal and disappointment is always close. Without those I love doing anything against me, I turn my back on them. So I beat them to punch, nothing wrong with that.

“That’s a good girl.” He praises as he stands beside me. He takes his long fingers and plays with my hair. “And how about your Father, you know He will leave you too.”

Everything in me screams. No. Father was supposed to be the only one who would never leave or forsake me. I have HIS promises to bank on. I try thinking over all of them, but they are slipping out of my mind. Almost like my new friend is taking them out of my head as he strokes my hair.

“No! My Father will never leave me. HE promised.” I exclaim snapping my head out of his grip.

“So has everyone else, darling.” he wraps his fingers around my neck, allowing everything in me to freeze inside. “Tell me where and when HE has said these promises and I will leave you alone.”

I open my mouth and nothing comes out. My mind lays as empty as a barren wasteland. I know this. I have banked my whole life on it. Why can I not think of anything?

“See darling, if your Father loved you so much, HE would be here right now. Why would HE allow you to be lost in a dark alley without HIM?” the voices sneers. “Didn’t HE once say HE was the good shepherd and that HE looks for HIS sheep when they have lost their way? I believe you are lost, darling, and yet…I do not see HIM anywhere.”

Tears build in my eyes. I hear everything he has asked ringing all through my body. My body paralyzes once again with betrayal. This is unlike I have ever felt before. Everything my whole existence has been based on was nothing, but a lie. I believed yet again, another lie. Tears descend from my face and race down my cheeks.  Angers rolls into rage and my body trembles. I throw down my hands and let them curl into fists. I breathe heavier and heavier with each passing moment.

“Funny thing darling, I really do not care about you either. You should have known that by now.” He removes his gentle touch off my neck and swiftly kicks me in the stomach.

The wind knocks out of me as I double over. I hold my throbbing stomach as he shoves me down to the cold cement below. I lay there and allow him to kick me over and over again. With every kick, he speaks with more cruelty and hatred;

“No one cares. No one will care. You are here. Alone. Where no one will find you or will they want too. You brought yourself to this mess.” he shouts over and over amidst my cries of agony.

I lay on the ground sobbing. I try calling out for help, but the painful blows interrupt. I cover my eyes with my hands. This is the way I am going to die, I find myself thinking. I ignore everything he is saying and just begin to let myself go into the darkness that is calling my name.

Before I can, I hear something other than lies he has been saying. I strain to hear it. It is hard, but once I focus I can. Small voices are together singing. Voices I have heard before are uniting and singing an all too familiar song. I strain to hear as he continues to beat me harder and harder trying to block out the song.

“When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt with in…”

He begins shouting so I cannot hear the words that make him the enemy. I spread my fingers apart and see a light coming from behind him. A blinding light shines past him. His silhouette stands in front of the Presence and continues to wail on me.

My head lifts off the ground to get a better view. The pain coming from his strong and painful kicks prevents me from being able to get a good look.

I see my Shepherd’s face. My heart melts. Love rejects the betrayal and fear. I no longer feel the pain from the wailing that he is still trying to do and inflict. He knows he is losing this battle. So he delivers one last line hoping to steal my attention.

“You are all mine! Nothing can save you!” he yells.

From the powerful light, I watch an arm stretch out and grab him on the shoulder. “No! She is mine, always has been, and always will be.” He speaks with a firm calmness which causes the enemy to freeze. “Now go!”

The enemy much like a coward slinks away. I hear him cursing as yet again, he loses another battle. I lay there unable to move, holding my stomach, and looking upward.

“Upward I look and see HIM there, who made an end to all my sin.”  The voices continue to sing.

HE extends HIS arm to lift me up. Trembling, I reach out my hand and hold onto it. HE slowly picks me up. Pain screams from everywhere in me. Even my heart, a broken mess cries in fear. HE looks at me. Ashamed, I look down at the ground.

HE lifts up my chin to look HIM in the eye with HIS soft fingers. HIS brown eyes are warm with compassion and tears. Seeing HIS causes my own tears to fall down my cheeks. My swollen lip begins to tremble. HE pulls me into HIS arms. I sob in HIS embrace. HE stands there holding me and running HIS fingers in through my hair.

HE pushes my hair out of my ear and whispers, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays HIS life down for his sheep. I will never leave you or forsake you.”

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A Brand New Day

The name of the background I chose to decorate this blog with is called “A Brand New Day”.  I barely looked at the background, but chose it hastily based on its name alone. It just reminds me of God’s faithfulness and how it is new EVERY morning. It is needed, just like my next breath. I laid my head on the pillow eight hours earlier, thinking I have go way too far past the depth of boundless His grace, crashed too hard and destroyed any hope of being able to cling to His never ending mercy, and in consequence find myself anything but deserving. If I deserve anything, Satan whispers in my ears with his bone chilling and spine numbing voice, it’s abandonment and heartache. He reminds me of the fact that I go myself into the mess I fell into (even though he was the one that lead me there) and God isn’t going to forgive me…for the millionth time this month. But guess what, Satan???

My God has and will forgive me a million times this month and a million times for the next one!!! You can try all you want trap me into your web of lies, but it is not going to work! Attempt all you want to get me in your grasp, but my God has brought me with a price that I am not my own and He will not let me go anywhere. So go away, you are not welcome and or needed here! Into His eternal faithfulness I will run as I cast off every hindrance, every weight I can disregard.

Yes, you can have that power too. You may feel that right now that Satan has some sort of grip on you. You may feel so lost in absolute darkness and the thunder roars louder then your thoughts. If you are a child of the King, I can promise you something- Satan WILL NEVER HAVE A GRIP ON YOU!!! I can assure you from a woman who has felt the blanket of  darkness caving in from every corner, Satan never had his grip on me. He will try as hard as he can to do so, but you know what is an amazing truth I’ve learned over the years? Whenever he wants to do anything, he has to ask the Almighty Creator for permission. Much like a child, who asks for a cookie before dinner to which the mother responds with “just one”, Satan has to seek approval. And even then, he is on a tight leash as what he can do. God is watching the whole entire time and has and will yank back when need be.

So go to bed tonight thinking that darkness has won, but remember that tomorrow the light has won. His faithfulness is new every morning! A brand new day…

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Hope of our Calling


My intention for the blog, which I hope to tend to often, is to have it drenched with  joy, hope, laughter, by illuminating HIS faithfulness, grace, mercy and many other attributes displayed in the everyday circumstances. My God is always up to something that will show off His glory and the good of His children. There are circumstances where it seems impossible any good could come from it, but my God’s “ways are higher (our) ways, thoughts are higher then (our) thoughts.” [Isaiah 55:9]  and “through HIM all things are possible.” [Matthew 19:26]  He takes a completely hopeless circumstance and turns it into an incredible story, the darkest night into pure radiant light, mourning into rejoicing, and the deepest wounds into closure. Sometimes, more often then not, we do not immediately see why an illness, betrayal, death, heartbreak, and failure happens right away. Some are able and fortunate to see it in their time, but some have to wait to be in glory before they see all the pieces come together. But we do know we have hope that regardless our situation it will be used for His ultimate glory and our good.

For that reason alone, we can “consider it pure JOY when we face trials of many kinds” [James 1:2]

So press on through your current storm. You have people cheering you on, either on earth or the saints above. When you feel like you cannot possibly face another day, hear the whispers of hope pulling you. Once you make it, turn around and use it. Use it to sing the same song we sang to you. Then we all can join in as a mighty chorus in the end. Some may have solos of triumph.